sean and i met when we were both seniors in high school. he was on my school’s campus for a debate tournament, and we were both walking in the courtyard at the same time. i happened to be wearing my renaissance garb (voted weirdest girl in my senior class-no idea how that happened), and he called out to me, “good day, my lady!” we talked briefly, discovered we were both going to be working at the arizona renaissance festival in the upcoming season, and we said we would see each other there. turns out, we also ended up living two floors apart the following year at arizona state university. we learned soon after that my good friend krys was also someone he went to music camp with and had lost touch with. sean was the first person i called when the premier of southpark played, we sat in shocked silence on the phone together until the commercial break, then i raced down to his dorm room to watch the rest of the show. i once asked him to proofread a paper for me, and when he returned it, he said, “i didn’t know you were smart!” can you believe we are still friends?!
i always enjoy our conversations, and i love visiting him wherever he lives!
JM: Could you tell us a little about yourself?
SH: It’s so interesting thinking back on the different ways I would answer that question based on time of life and experience. Currently, I feel more than ever defined by my work and my family. I am a Marriage and Family Therapist, working as an intern gathering hours for my license. I work in a school based program as a classroom therapist for middle school age boys struggling with anger, abuse, depression and anxiety. I am also a husband of 6 years, as well as a father of a 7 month old. I also have a dog named Judah. I currently reside in the Bay Area, though I was born and raised in Phoenix, Arizona. My family is one of the founders of the state, settling in Wickenburg prior to the territory being voted into the union. I moved to the Bay Area in 2001 to be close to my then girlfriend now wife. We moved to Israel in 2005 where my wife began her studies at Hebrew Union College to become a Rabbi. We then moved to Los Angeles in 2006, and have finally moved back to the Bay Area, hopefully forever. (I might retire to Hawaii, we’ll see…)
JM: I would consider you a proto-hipster; although you aren’t doing anything ironically. You are certainly not a hipster in the modern sense, but you always had a penchant for the gentlemanly arts. You were only one of two people who answered the phone with “Good Evening”-the other being my WWII veteran Polish grandfather. You wore a dapper hat, and you had a particular cadence to your speech. You played backgammon, and you were on a water polo team. Could you talk a little bit about your alternative lifestyle?
SH: All the men in my family have always held to a certain flair and style that I have always seen as what it meant to be a man. For instance, my grandfather and father both wear pocket watches, as did I for many years. My Uncle collects leatherbound books and fancy canes. So having a sense of style that harkened back to a older period helped with individuation at a young age. It also helped that I wasn’t really well liked in Middle School and High School from what I would determine to be the popular crowd, and gravitated towards Theater, Music, and Speech. These areas of course were welcoming (for the most part) of individual expression or at least experimentation with expression. These interests were where I found community, and they supported my eccentricities.
My father was a competitive backgammon player in college, among other things, and I learned the game from him. My best friend Bob is very much into games and competitive gaming environments, and we both began to play with ernest in college as well. I’ve broadened to other games, and use them in my therapeutic practice. I also enjoy playing video games, for much the same reason I enjoy playing classic board games. I enjoy learning a system, and exploiting it to overcome an obstacle or challenge. Or Opponent.
So while my lifestyle feels a bit pedestrian nowadays (I just got done doing laundry, woohoo!) I suppose I’ve always given thought and meaning to my actions, be they a performance or calculating my impact on the world around me.
I’m also a nudist, weather permitting.
JM: Your father is a magician. As in a card-carrying, access to the Magic Castle magician. What was it like having such a cool dad?
SH: Birthday parties were Rad. I would have my father invite his other magician friends over and have them all do magic for my friends. Breathing fire in the backyard, chopping (almost) my hand off, all pretty cool (particularly for an October Birthday) And the Magic Castle has to be one of the best clubs in Hollywood.
JM: You converted to Reformed Judaism from protestant Christianity. Could you explain to our lovely readers what it means to be Reformed?
SH: (Ed note: It’s Reform, not Reformed. We are constantly evolving our religious response to modern times, we never stopped.)
In Europe, about 200 years ago, a group of Jews wished to forgo continued rejection of the modern world, and work to incorporate and assimilate into modern society. They became the reform movement. They began praying and conducting services not in Hebrew, as was the custom, but in the native language (in this case, German) The philosophy behind the reform movement is this: Learn the Law (Hebrew Bible= Old Testament) That which is meaningful to you, do. That which is not, don’t. Action without meaning is pointless. Many can see this as an invitation to ignore all laws, but the challenge is to find meaning in our everyday actions, for then the holy and divine will be in our every movement and every uttering.
JM: Could you give one or two examples of “law” that you follow in which you find meaning?
SH: The Law of False Inquiry. You are not allowed to enter a shop, and ask about many items value or price with no intention of purchasing anything. The simple reason is that you could create the false hope of a large sale in someone, and then let them down emotionally. This is evident if you follow more the golden rule path (Judaism places it as “That which is harmful to you, do not do onto others”) That is always a big one, particularly to consider in a consumeristic culture. Now I know that many of us shop in places with retail employees who don’t actually gain anything by us buying lots of stuff (in fact, some see it as more work and annoyance!) But it’s a good rule of thumb anyway. Some might also ask, “then I can’t ask about the price of something unless I want to buy it?” The interpretation is no, you can, but be up front and honest with someone. Say, “Hello. I am not going to purchase anything today, but I had a few questions if you have the time.” this allows for a shopkeeper to tend to other paying customers while answering any questions you have.
I suppose the final one I’ll leave with is fasting. I fast on Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement. From sundown to sundown I don’t eat or drink anything. I do this to remind myself of my humanity (my own personal Gom Jabbar for the Dune fans out there) As I try, for 24 hours, to abstain from all the instinctual drives my body is screaming at me to do; eat, drink, and sex. The meaning is more of a personal find than one Judaism prescribes, but it fits the bill. Had I not found my own meaning in this ritual, I would have given up fasting long ago.
JM: Would you like to share a web link?
SH: These look comfortable. And my daughter seems to like them.
http://www.dancestore.com/pajama-mastercart/pjc-adultfootedpajamas.html
Thank you, Sean for being a willing participant in my ongoing interview series! Feel free to ask him any follow up questions in the comments!